There are days. This is one of them. I miss him. I miss his smile, his laugh, the mole over his left eye. He had very broad shoulders, and I miss rubbing them for him after a long bike ride.
I miss his kindness. His words always edifying. I miss hearing him with our daughters. The knowledge that no one will or could ever love those girls the way he did breaks my heart. I mean, there are no alternatives. There is a helplessness to this loss for them. As a mommy all I want is to make things right for them and not being able to change this drives me slowly insane.
I have been depressed for a few weeks now. I act at times like I don't know why, but always, always at the bottom of my emotions is the nagging sense of loss. I can't assimilate it into my life. I know at some point I should be able to, that's what "healthy" grief does, but four year later I still just miss him.
Let yourself miss him. It is okay to do that. Wishing here that I could come and have tea and just sit by your side.
Posted by: Hope | November 17, 2005 at 12:18 AM
I don't know how I happened upon your blog, but I read with interest your post about losing your husband. My husband was taken from me and my children in an accident in April 2003. It is a terrible void, isn't it. I knew that the holidays the first year would be hard, and I guess I thought that things would get back to normal after that, but it never does, and I've had to realize that it's o.k.
It doesn't stop the ache though. We can know in our heads and our hearts that God is sovereign and He is in control, but it doesn't take the ache away. I will pray for you.
Posted by: Beverly Whitcomb | November 30, 2005 at 05:53 PM