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August 05, 2005

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Hope

There is something to be said for coming to the place where one knows that nothing tangible will feed or satisfy that hunger of spirit we all have. It seems to have taken the sting out of it for me. I still choose to take instant gratification of one sort or another to deal with life sometimes. But knowing that it is a conscious choice I am making has helped me choose it less. And I no longer beat myself up for choosing it. I do trust that God will continue to give me the strength to bring out of the shadows those places in my life where I would rather hide...the places that look life giving but are soul sickness. This probably isn't making any sense. All I know is that Jesus is not surprised by my desire for instant gratification instead of choosing to get life from Him. Sometimes I feel like He looks at me and says, "Why, of course, that is the natural human choice to make in the circumstances." Knowing that helps me turn to him on occasion instead of to my 'poison'.

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