And not just my usual run of the mill pissed either.
I want you all to know two things before I begin. First, I am going to be talking about wrongs I suffered at the hands of my neighbors, and may sound a bit hypocritical as I describe them. Second, I am trying with all my strength and heart to not gossip, but in order to clearly describe this event and why it's upset me to the point of writing about it I will, undoubtedly, sound gossipy. I ask for your patience and understanding as I explain why this situation has me freaking out.
The other night while I was throwing the frisbee for our dog with my youngest my neighbor stormed over. Apparently while her 14 year old was watching our animals my dog had gone into her flower bed and dug. There were also some other things that happened that her daughter couldn't handle, and she was so angry at me. She spoke so rude to me in front of my child, and used very passive aggressive ways to hurt my feelings. One of the issues that came up was the replacement of my dogs collar for the invisible fence we share. When I told her that I wouldn't have the $300.00 it would cost until next month she said "ya, you look real poor". The history here is that I do dress differently then her, not better or worse, just different, and was wearing some jewelry I had made in remembrance of my husband. So maybe I looked dressy, I don't know. Regardless, she than very condescendingly questioned how I do things with my animals. And, in the same "I'm so much better than you" tone reminded me that she had told me to write everything down for her daughter, which I did, but she couldn't find, and that everything that went wrong while I was gone was my fault for not "following her orders". After I thought about her words and tone I decided to walk next door and tell her that if she had a problem with me that we can talk, she doesn't have to be hurtful. At that point she ordered me off her property, and her husband came out and started threatening me. (I still am not really sure what the issue is here. That her daughter couldn't find my note? That the dog dug?)
OK. Here's the history that makes this situation so frustrating to me. I have been her friend when others would not. Here's the gossip. Her husband has been unfaithful for the length of their marriage. She knows this, and has said directly that while it hurts she thinks they look good together, along with their two daughters, and doesn't want anyone to think their life is not perfect. I'm not kidding. She thinks that as long as they look good all will be well. Her one daughter attempted suicide, failed, and in her anger toward her parents moved out at seventeen and has since has been doing better. Her other child, my daughter's close friend, is so depressed that she's gained weight, hides, hasn't said a word to her father in months, and is always in trouble for not wanting to spend time with them. If she doesn't want to eat at the table with him she doesn't get to eat. If she doesn't want to watch t.v at night with them she's sent to her room for the night. She was over here all the time for a while, and I included her many times in many activities with my girls, but when they decided they didn't like this they told her I said I didn't want her over anymore. I never said that, but I could tell she was feeling torn wanting to believe her mom yet knowing I'd never say that that I only contradicted it once. We carpooled, and many times she "corrected" my oldest in ways that were the same passive aggressive crap that left her teary eyed, and even forgot my child once. Every time I said I think it was time for us to bail the car pool she'd whine about how much harder her life would be without my help, so I stayed and just picked up every day so my kids wouldn't have to be subjected to her ways. I've never bad-mouthed her husband, even when my other neighbor confided in me that he has tried to seduce her. I've prayed and cried with her when it all got to be to much.
So here I sit, spoken to as if I'm worse than the dirt on her shoes. Here I sit, remembering the tone and threats her unfaithful husband used on me, wondering if it's even worth doing or saying anything. At times I've felt such pity for her that I've wept. Right now I'm angry and think who are they to be so self righteous. She's chosen a man for reasons I don't understand to the detriment of her children. I wasn't even in town when my dog dug, and her child was the one who had volunteered to help. Yet it's my fault.
She wants to "dialog". I don't think I'm ready to be in the same room with her yet because I know I'll say something mean, not only lowering myself to their level, but disappointing myself and worse, setting a bad example for my girls. And I don't want to be an angry Christian. I don't want to be in sin in this situation. I want to please Him in how I handle this. I just don't know how.
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