My daughter asked me a very interesting question yesterday. "Mom, how many times has Chris said he was going to do something but didn't?". She asked because as we were making our way to the mailbox I commented on how much better our grass looks since I hired someone to do it rather then wait for him to get around to it. I told her I really didn't know a number, but there are a few. "But", I started, "love doesn't keep a record of wrongs". I lied! Of course love might now, but humans certainly do!!! Probably a few times a week he says he'll take out the trash, mow the lawn, pick something up at the store, and every time he doesn't it goes onto my mental score card. Funny, even if the score card isn't in my thoughts at the moment, as soon as I see him it flashes right back into site with crystal clarity.
Forgiveness is a tough one for our family. Having been violated in the worst possible way, loosing our husband/father/son/brother, we are quite the angry unforgiving bunch. How can I teach my children to forgive when i can't imagine a time when I will. Intellectually I understand the circumstances surrounding his death, but emotionally I'm not ready. I still marvel at the fact that there are people in our world who hurt, kill, humiliate, rape and abuse deliberately without any remorse! Yet love keeps no record of wrong. Oh Lord, help me find the true meaning of these words. Help me not to harbor hate and allow the bitterness that threatens to take over have its way. Yes people murder, rape, abuse, but if they asked they'd have the same forgiveness I revel in daily. If it is possible, heal us so we may live out Your will for us.
Ya, Chirs doesn't always do what he says he will, but honestly, neither do I.
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