The spirit is that amazing part of us that is us and God as well. It's all me, and encompasses what His Holy Spirit has deemed appropriate for me to be in this world. This mystery rocks my world. The Creator of the universe, the giver of all life, the One, gives of Himself to us. While this serves whatever His purposes may be, it also give us a gift that we could never repay. He is in me.
What happens to us if we choose to ignore this? In His design we have the choice to embrace or run from His presence. In my life I've done both. Embracing Him in our spirit is vital for life. When we don't, the consequences are astounding. I say this because I have spent the better part of today contemplating the most distrubing thing I've encountered since my husband's and 3000 or so others deaths. Today I learned that a little boy who has been in my life for two and half years or so is more troubled than I ever imagined. There have been signs along the way that he is in trouble. His father is in my life in a complex way that has allowed me to peer into the life and times of B. His family is broken, and his mom has chosen a man who is abusive physically. Though she says the kids are never his victims I've never believed this. I grew up in a home much like the one B is living in, and it's been my experience that if it's happening to the mom it's usually happening on some level to the kids. But I digress. However, before I tell my discovery I must inject that this 7 year old has always been a behavior problem. I've always believed that he has emotional issues and some learning disabilities, plus the disadvantage of mother who "ain't puttin him on no drugs". Sufice it say that while I've often been angry and sad at his inability to do right I've always understood there were bigger things at work in his life. Things that most likely require a doctor or two but since she "ain't druggin him", this has never been an option. I've hoped and prayed along the way that I could help him. I've thought many times that God has brought us together so someone could love him and teach him about how much he is loved by God. Today I lost all hope. All hope that the relationship I've formed with his father is meant to be, and hope that B is going to get the help he needs. Well I've built this up, so here goes. At his daycare center is an eighteen month old. In retaliation for him taking a toy away, B grabbed pliers and pulled out his hair. From what I gather this was part of an assault on the baby, not the whole thing.
I spent some time probing B about the events. I thought maybe I made some headway when I asked him how he felt after. Hoping his response of "bad" was because of remorse, it turns out he was mad because the provider said she wouldn't tell on him and she did. He is now is in jeopardy of loosing his spot at the center, and his mom is threatening to drop him at his dad's doorstep for the summer, which happens to be my doorstop. I spent much time with him today trying to assertain what is up in his heart and head. We talked about all the "naughty" things that have happened, including episodes where people were harmed or property distroyed, and he said he never feels bad. He gets mad when he's caught and grounded, but the idea of feeling bad for the harm he's caused is nowhere to be seen. He just has no remorse. He's broken things of mine of my late husbands, nothing. Things of my girls including gifts, pictures, games. Again nothing.
Bringing this story in line with the idea of spirit, what happened to his? How does a boy of 7 not have a concience? The Holy Spirit in us gives us the strength to do the right thing. Guilt and remorse serve as lessons so we don't continue to sin, harming people. How can he discover this? On a personal note, I'm scared, for him, us, and those he will come in contact with in his life. No remorse and no impulse control. Lord help him.
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