Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2 Cor 5:1
What I hope my husband knows as he dwells in his eternal home. That every moment he held my hand prepared me to hold the hands of our daughters as they miss their daddy.
He was the great love of my life. I treasured every moment we had, and still don't know what I did right to be blessed with his love for me.
I forgive him for not painting the kitchen the color I wanted. I wish I hadn't made such an issue of the things that seemed so unfair. My resentment was because of my smallness, not his inequity.
If I had known that any choice I had made was pulling me away from you I would have turned and ran the other way.
I want you to know that I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you died. I hate that you died on an airplane at the hands of hatred. You, a man so full of love for life, for our children, for me. There is a part of me, even knowing it would be the end of this life, that wishes I was with you that day. You were always there for me when I needed you, and I wish I could have held you in that moment in time, your last moment.
I want you to know that I forgive you for not calling me to say goodbye, the way others did. I believe in the depths of my heart that you would not do that to me. It's hard, because in not calling me you took away my chance to tell you one more time how much I love you. Did you understand that it was the end of your life?
There are so many more things I hope you know, but the depth of grief I feel as I think on these things threatens to choke me, and I have children to tuck in. Tonight I don't want them to see my tears.
Lord, help me to have peace about my husband's last moments. Help me to know that he now dwells with you in an eternal house prepared for him, me, our children. Father forgive me when I surrender to the anger and wish for retaliation against the lost whose actions robbed us of such an amazing man. And if there be any way, allow me to see that he knows these things.
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