Spiritual Need

There are times when we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we need spiritual healing.  I know that about myself right now.  It is not about church, or rules, or "Christians", but about connecting with the Spirit of God and dealing with nothing else.  I long for that. 

I don't know why I slip so easily into the role of "Christian", and during those times He is not what I am focusing on.  I'm focusing on how I look to the right people so I don't get in trouble again, if I'm saying the right things, appearing in a way that shouts "I am a good believer".  Why is it, for me, the two don't go together.  Being Christian is not about anything other than His love, so why can't I fight the other stuff, the stuff that has nothing to do with Him?  The times I feel so in love with Him are the times when I've actually been away from my church for a bit.  It is in those moments when I feel free enough to sing to Him, dance before Him, and not feel judged for how I look.  I don't understand why I'm so self concerned at church.  I caught myself this last week, singing loudly, moving from side to side as I sang about His love.  I caught myself because I felt the eyes of those next to me on me.  Like a teen caught making an ass of herself at a concert I stopped right in my tracks.  It took all my strength not sing like that again.  Should I care?  Of course not, yet how uncomfortable I was to find an entire family starring at me! 

I only need Him right now!  Relationship.  I know we all need fellowship and teaching and communal worship, so I'm not negating that.  I'm saying for me, I need His Spirit touching mine, reminding me what this walk is truly about.

Comments

[Patti]

Maybe you are in the wrong church. Just a thought.