This morning I was Reading my usual line-up, which really only consists of three other blogs daily, and many others when I have the time. But I always read Natala's, Susie's and Linda's. They are three very different women blogging about different things, yet in each of them I find commonalities that cause me to shout "Yes, I get that, I get you, you get me!". How exciting it is to read Natala's bio and discover she also likes Nora Jones, and even Diana Krall, who transports me to a different place every time I listen. Seeing she lives in my old neighborhood, Yea! She knows. How wonderful it is to know and connect with women who value the same things, struggle with the same issues. I started blogging with the hope of meeting people. Widowhood is lonely, and at times I feel too old to join clubs and take classes like everyone suggested I do to meet people. It's the same advise I gave my mom in law after her divorce and she complained about the same things. Friends treating her different, no one understanding the issues, single parenthood exhausting me to the point of tears.
But I digress. This morning as I read natala's site I found my vision blurring. When I stopped I discovered tears streaming down my cheeks. There is no way to explain why but to link to her site so here goes. http://heretogoal.blogspot.com/ I'm sorry I'm not computer savvy enough yet to link to the particular post that moved me so, but it's her words on the emerging beauty she sees in life as well as herself. How I relate to the unfolding of beauty from a dirt field. From what I can tell there is more beauty in her soul than could ever be contained in a wildflower garden, no matter how big!
Widowhood wiped my slate clean. 9/11 stole from me what I was becoming. Trying to find a voice, a self, in the light of such a blow has been hard work, and I guess it could very well be likened to a dirt field, and indeed the work involved does require nurture, nature, and tender loving care. It's work to take root, and even harder work to push out of the dirt that so often threatens to choke the life out of me. I don't always feel strong or beautiful, but i hope. i hope that one day i look back and discover that i withstood harsh storms, glaring sun, even shoes tromping over me. Thank you natala for giving me a vision, sharing of yourself so I don't feel so alone on this journey, and once again for sharing your gift. Yes I cried, but the healing tears of a spirit touched, not the painful sort that have been a part of my life since my husband was taken from me.